Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Melancholy Holiday Immersion Begins

 (This piece written over two years ago; always revisits me when the holidays arrive. Thanks for baring with me. Get out and shop today.)
 Compulsive / Obsessive

I’ve been thinking about adding to my canine stable for some time. I lost my last girl several years back. It was a tragic day.

If grief were a tattoo, my Lady Bug, a German Short Hair sporting dog, would be in full color all over my body. She was my best friend in so many ways.

Time has passed rapidly, yet her presence continues to fog my desire to bring a new girl on board. I see and feel the joy that could be recaptured with a new friend in my life, yet I am still a bit reluctant.

I have so many interests. Continually I seek new knowledge, curious how things work and fit in to today’s lifestyle. I get on a subject or process and before I know it I have ten or fifteen books, periodicals and websites galore scattered through my daily life. I am usually not sure how this new knowledge will fit into the big picture.

A friend from the past once said that I knew more about things, people and places than anyone person should. He said that I possessed what he called useless knowledge. Well you know that I took that as a compliment. Not!

It may have been one of the most destructive things that have ever been said to me. He might as well hand me two puppies named Obsessive and Compulsive. It would have been just as clear to me if he had; after a while anyway. I would have discovered the connection on my own in due time.

I wouldn’t have taken it so personal for several days, at least not until the insult was discovered.

Thinking about acquiring a new puppy or two has me second guessing my intentions. Do I actually need and want a couple of new friends that require so great an amount of attention and care?

My inner story continues to play my obsessive and compulsive theme song. Maybe by adding some responsibilities outside of myself I can end my title of Mr. Obsessive Compulsive?

I can see my new friend and me hiking a rocky trail for hours and days at a time. Once she gets use to my hiking routine, it will be just a matter of time before we have constant conversations on a daily basis.

The stories we will tell will have some of the past, present and future automatically built in. I’ll never try to impress her but I will fall in love with her. As the years roll by I’ll expect her to join me on the trail. She’ll nudge me occasionally to hit the road. I’ll just grab my pack and head to the car. She’ll jump in and off we’ll go.

A man and his dog is a relationship about as obsessive and compulsive as it can get. One’s dog is a friend of genuine trust and care, to share where the day goes. Some days the only word shared between the two of a smile. Yet we hear it loud and clear as if it were spoken with a shout.

Maybe my obsessions are on the way out? Could it be that my new friend will satisfy my compulsiveness on a different level?

She sits on my left in my mind today. My thoughts are about warm puppy breath, her velvety tummy skin and a little growl that speaks from gentle sleep.
Since thoughts become things, I’ve been careful to pick this as one of my best. Puppies play at the foot of my chair and I am in wonder of it all.